It gets better

I would drive around the winding country roads of Clark County, thinking about how easy it would be to end it all; with just a jerk of the wheel, my black Mazda pickup and I could plummet into the ravine. There are more people out there struggling with their sexuality, and they struggle in silence. We hear about the fortunate ones who find the opportunity to step forward and say truthfully, “I am transgendered/a lesbian/bi/gay.” We also hear about the unfortunate ones who don’t find that opportunity. They wallow in sadness until they just can’t take it anymore.

Raymond Chase hung himself in his dorm room at Johnson & Wales University. He was openly gay, and there was obviously a lot more hurt inside than he showed outside. He was 19.

Tyler Clementi was pushed over the edge when his roommate filmed and posted footage of him with another young man online. He was 18.

Billy Lucas was bullied at school—told that he was a piece of crap and that he didn’t deserve to live and that he was gay. He was 15.

Asher Brown was accused of being gay in school, some of the kids performed gay acts on him as a mockery. He was 13.

These young men died within the last three weeks.

They died feeling very alone and unloved. As the media has been giving more coverage to these kinds of stories, I’ve been reflecting on my own—looking back to when I was tempted to end what I perceived to be a problem without a solution. I thought to myself, “If I just kill myself now, I’ll be remembered for being a good Christian boy who could play the piano and had good grades. I’ll never have to tell anyone, and my reputation won’t be stained by this ugly part of me.”

I didn’t tell anyone about that until I came out, and if I had gone through with driving my truck off of that cliff, no one would have ever known. “They might not know that it was suicide,” I thought.

How many more are out there that hate themselves and cannot reconcile being transgendered, bi, a lesbian, or gay and being a part of our, or any culture?

Recently I posted to Facebook this video. It’s Ellen Degeneres’ response to the recent suicides. Along with it I invited anyone struggling with sexuality to talk to or write me. I remember wishing that someone would have made a similar offer when I was really struggling. No one did. There aren’t enough safe spaces around to hear those things, and it seems to me that there should be.

The following is copied from a blog called Talk About Equality. There are some powerful posts on this blog, and I encourage you to read them. The list contains a few organizations that are trying to change things so that these young people don’t feel like they aren’t worthy of life anymore.

• The Victory Fund is running an online campaign to support Chris Armstrong and put a stop to Andrew Shirvell’s cyber bullying.
• There is an online petition up at Change.org, started by friend of T.A.E. Julielyn Gibbons. Sign it now.
• On October 5th, the Safe Schools Action Network has organized a National Day of Action.
• The Trevor Project is a wonderful organization which provides support to LGBT Youth considering suicide.
• The Human Right’s Campaign has an online petition targeted at the Secretary of Education. Sign it now.
• The Pacer Center has declared October National Bullying Prevention Month
• Check out Welcoming Schools.  A great resource for safe schools.
• Dan Savage has launched the It Gets Better project.  Record a video or spread the word.

Check them out. Spread the word. National Coming Out Day is on Monday, October 11th. Make yourselves available to those who might be struggling. Most importantly, if you are struggling with your sexuality, know that it gets better.

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